Sparkle-n-Shine

Back at the Ayurvedic Natural Health Center!

What can I tell you about 48 hours on a train ride. There are little things that are humorous and worth discussing. The little packets of jasmine paper soap that I used to try my best to stay clean in a place thats just festering. The funny meals we scrounged up of chappati's, flat bread, and peanut butter and bannana's. The songs we played on guitar and sang to the eager crowds of Indian's curious about the strange westerners giggling so much. Doing reiki for each other and strangers on the hard beds that were erected at night in the small compartments we filled by day. Giving a yoga lesson to some middle aged Indian mom's, feeling a strange connection between mom's around the world, and the fact that none of them actually take time for themselve's. Coloring pictures and playing tic tac toe with kids. Giggling for hours on end with Loz. Laying in Gaura's lap while he chanted, and looking up at his sweet face, and drifting off to a dreamy state of love and boredome. Reading Loz's tarot cards on the top bunk. Having amazing truthfullness flow through me to her. Having a young, desperate, teenage Idian boy beg me to help him and read his cards. Eating chips and trying my best to make the truth soft for this lost, infatuated teenager. Hours upon hours with nothing to do but try to occupy ourselves. It was strange, tedious, LONG, and surprisingly fun.

We arrived back at the Ayurvedic Natural Health Center in need of all that they were to soon offer us. We needed showers, beds, massages, and healthy food. I was eager to return to clear the debt they had owed me since my last visit there two years prior. We had worked out a deal via email. I was to stay 8 days and 8 nights to make up for the $450 they still owed me, from when I pre-paid to attend an ayurvedic training and then changed my plan. I had only recieved half of the money back from them. We faught via email for months over the fact that I never recieved the money, and they kept swearing they sent it. In the end we agreed that I would come stay for 8 days and nights when I returned to India. Then when Gaua and I got together and knew we would be travelling together; I asked them if we could change it to 4 days and nights for two people. They agreed.

Unfortunately, they changed the deal on me once we arrived. A woman with a fancy sarree, perfect makeup, and a business voice and smile ushered me into some fancy new building full of new products, and a new computer. She sat me down and drew up our plan to stay for 3 days and 3 nights. When I reminded her that we had discussed 4 days and 4 nights, she asked me to show her the email where she had confirmed such a thing. The following is an excerpt from the email that I showed her:

ME: Dear Dr. Sunita,

Thank you for the offer, I will certainly pass it along to any friends who
are visiting during that time. I am leaving for my travels in the east in
early July and should make it to the anhc by the end of October. My
records show that you owe me $444, from our mixup in the summer of
2005. I calculated that the cost for me to stay for 8 days, with the
monsoon discount would be $443.30 dollars. I look forward to my upcoming
visit, and all the wonderful services at the anhc! I will bring the
documentation I have as proof, and am so happy to finnally clear up the
mix up, and recieve my complementary services for 8 days. As soon as I
have an exact date I will email you so that you may confirm the
reservation for me!
Namaste,
Dana Cohen

ANHC OFFICE MANAGER: dear Dana Cohen,
we acknowledge the contents of the email.
looking forward to receive you.
regards,
dr Sunita

Now I don't know about the rest of the world, but in America when someone says, I will be coming for 8 days as my reimbursement. And the other person repsonds with, I acnowledge what you have said and look forward to recieving you. Usually that is a legally binding confirmation. I even still have the email to prove it. 

But this woman, skirted around that by stating that she had acknowledged my statement but didn't actually confirm that they would do that for me.

Now again, in America, when someone wants to adknowledge what you say but not agree to it, they usually say something like: "We ackowledge what you are asking for but we can not offer you that. However, we can offer you this...."

This woman had done no such thing. She promised me 8 days, and then changed it at the last minute. I believe this is horrible customer service, especially after months of confusion over such a large sum of money that they kept swearing they sent, and never seemed to arrive to me.

As a business owner, when I have even a small mixup with a client I go out of my way to make them feel good. I not only honor what they rightfully deserve, but I offer extra services as a way to show that I appreciate their business, and hope they will continue to pass along my name.

Back to my story: After screwing me out of 2 days or $110, the woman turned on the computer and brought up my blog and asked me to erase the previous post where I mentioned that they hadn't honored me all of my money. It was so frustrating to be sitting in the brand new building with all the brand new products, seeing how much the place had grown and was sucessful, meanwhile this woman was taking advantage of me by not honoring her debt to me. With all the fancy new stuff, it seems they should be able to afford to repay what they owe, a measly one day stay for two people. I looked her in the eye and let her know that I could not remove my blog posting at this time, because my money had not been fully honored yet. I assured her that I would not be removing any posts, as they stand proof of the experiences I have had in the world. I let her know that, even her honoring part of that debt now doesn't change my previous experiences and make them not real, as though they never happened. I promised to write a new blog post telling all about this new experience I would have here.

She glared me down, and the put on her plastic, business smile and ushered me and my friends to our rooms to get settled in.

We settled into our clean & simple rooms and headed off for hours of treatment. We spent 3 days getting oiled up, pounded with dough, detoxified, steamed, massaged, tapped, nurtured, and fed healthy food. The staff, other than the woman who received us was pleasant and devoted. There were little things I can remember that were subtly off like the scratchy nail of my one therapist that always hurt a little when she massaged, or the cooks forgetting daily that we didn't eat onions and garlic and having to make something special at the last minute, or the loud noises of the construction workers that disturbed my healing silence and thier stares when I stumbled to the bathroom in a towel in the middle of my treatments. All this was just little quirks, the time there was really mostly peaceful and healing. This was the last of my healing from my terrible kidney infection. I was pronounced healthy upon leaving the center. Gaura was like a kid. He wanted to feel and experience everything. In his discussions with the head therapist doctor he was zealous and asked for all the wildest treatments. He told them he wanted the strongest enema to really cleanse his colon. He even asked them to give him leaches to clean his blood. His wild treatements always turned out to have some hilarious and wierd twist to them. For example: when he got the super strong enema he wanted to have the treatment go as far in and through his body as possible so he layed on our bed in shoulderstand with a full tooshie of enema. Somehow during that process he leaked a little, and I came home to a very yucky, funny messy bed. I had them change the sheets right away. Also, after his leaches experiment he had these two jesus wounds on his calves that wouldn't stop bleeding through the bandages. When we were checking out on the last day the doctors prescribed us all our own Ayurvedic medicines that we were encouraged to buy and continue to take. It wasn't a surprise that Gaura, being the enthusiast for treatment as he was, was prescribed over 20 bottles of healing tonics. I tried to stay calm and composed as he crinkled his nose as I bargained with the doctor trying to figure out which of these many tonics were necessary for him. In the moment, Gaura was so wrapped up the the whole experience he wanted them all and he eyeballed me like a child being deprived toys at the toy store. I knew once he came down from this high and the moment he was wrapped up in he wouldn't care about any of the tonics, and wouldn't want to even take the ones we bought. But, as a compromise to make him feel my love for him, without getting too out of control with this silly purchase, I bought a few of the tonics and made him promise to take every last drop. Eventually, we would throw out most of the unused, never touched tonics, at the airport on our way to fly to Thailand. Our last evening there was intense. Some how Gaura and I got into this heavy conversation. It went round and round as we tried to figure out this confusing swirl of space that had been between us since we had arrived in Rishikesh, and was just coming to a close here at the ANHC. I was coming to understand that I still had a huge amount of processing going on from my bad relationship with Assaf. I knew I was afraid to trust, and somewhere inside I had questions about Gaura. As much as I deeply felt our most soulful connection, I couldn't surrender completely to him no matter how hard I tried. There was always a resistance. We came to the understanding that I came on this journey to explore parts of myself, to expand, as well as to heal. Those parts of me and that part of my journey would keep me inside my own self no matter how close or together we would be. He would have to learn to just back off and accept that I wasn't always present for him, as I needed lots of time to be present for myself. I came to understand that he was simply younger, with less life experience. He would be uncapable of being as mature or responsible as I would want him to be in certain moments. Once we figured this out there was relief! It was like we could see our struggle before us, and there for knew exactly what to work on to smooth out the wrinkles in our great, but normal & flawed relationship! We made Loz wait forever while we were lost in our own land of communication and partnership. It wasn't easy but it was so beautiful. All that talking about it all made us closer, and we hugged and knew it would get better and we would get even closer now. We all ate our last healthy meal and hopped in the car to whisk away to the other side of Goa, the fun & wild side of town. As we pulled out that woman asked me one more time about removing my old post and I assured her that I would post an updated version of the story eventually. Here it is, and to date I never was fully reimbursed for the debt owed to my by the Ayurvedic Natural Health Center. I am thankful for the three days of lovely treatment that Gaura and I did receive, as that time was very helpful and relaxing! I have finally given up on ever receiving the rest of my reimbursement.

My 21 Day Cleanse!

Ok, so I just haven't been that great at writing on this blog, this trip. My original plan was to do as I had done previously, and record every wild bit of adventure. I thought this could be the sequel to my previous journey which turned into a book called, "From the Bottom of the Earth, To the top of the Earth".  I thought I could call this one, "Into the Clouds"

But, I didn't plan on all these crazy twists and turns in my journey, the one's that keep me busy and occupied and away from computers. First off I never find myself alone, or lonely and in need of company. I have a boyfriend. Last trip I would just go to the computer and write emails and write stories and reach out in those ways. Second, this trip has really been full of twists and turns.

So, I hope that in due time I will find a way to write all these stories, and finish this second book!

As for where I left off in the story, here goes...

Rishikesh started off great. I reconnected with my beloved Himalayan guru Swami Umesh (I just call him Swamiji, Mr. Yoga Teacher...tee hee!). I decided to train Transcendental Meditation with him.  I also arranged a great deal with his brother Naresh, who is a Reiki Master. He agreed to attune Gaura for level 1/2 Reiki, and let me join in to go deeper in my knowledge of it for one fair and low price! I love my Reiki master Morley, and his wife Geeta who is my Reiki healer. They are like my spiritual parents. They healed me, and attuned me, and passed along some amazing ancient knowledge to me. But I had left Mysore, a couple of days after my attunement and had missed out on the nurturing support of my teachers during the weeks that followed. After being attuned, usually a Reiki healer enters into a 21 day cleansing process that shakes up and removes old junk from the body/mind/heart! I still had a week and a half to go until I finished my cleanse. Since being attuned I had cleansed my body through a week long awful flu, and a 3 day horrible stomach bug. So many mental and heart issues had also arisen during my cleansing time. I found that some of the negative things I had carried with me from difficult past situations were:

-distrust in relationships

-fear of my kindness being taken advantage of

-fear of opening my heart fully

I can directly relate these fears to my previous two relationships which did not flow as I had hoped they would. I was finding it hard to be the open hearted, generous, fearless, passionate person I had been before these relationships cultivated some insecurities. I admit it! I am human, and full of flaws, and fears, and I get effected by life sometimes. I even found it frustrating that these situations had effected me in such negative ways. I can tell you that there were many beautiful ways that these relationships changed me as well. They helped me grow up. They taught me about love. They taught me that I can commit myself truly and whole heartedly to another person. I learned that I am capable of giving huge amounts of kindness. I learned to take huge chances, and to cultivate faith and devotion even in really hard times.

But as humans I think our ego's are fragile. The ego clings to the negative gifts that difficult situations leave behind, and cries, "poor me, look at how awful that was, now I have to protect myself so it doesn't happen again, because that was terrible". It  doesn't want to work through difficulty, it's so sensitive.

I hated admitting to myself that even though I walked away from these relationships with some beautiful growth as a person, I also lost some of my youthful purity and took on some negative, protective qualities.

So here I was in Rishikesh, India ready to take on the deepest, darkest, and worst of my own residual drama! I decided to work with Naresh as both a gift to Gaura, so that later we could do Reiki together, as well as to have more support during my own spiritual process. I wanted to get rid of that darn "poor me, ego protection", and replace it with a healed and healthy body/mind/heart, which I hoped to share with sweet, beautiful Gaura!

The Transcendental Meditation course was a 4 day intensive process. Every day I awoke around 6am, and would prepare myself for the day, and get to my teachers house around 7am. We would meditate, discuss, and plan out my homework. On the first day I went through a beautiful ceremony where I was given a secret/sacred mantra that was chosen specially for me. Each morning, and every evening before bed I would use this mantra as a tool in my 20-30 minute meditation. Each day the meditation got easier, and more understanding about the process of TM was revealed to me. On the fourth and final day, I was instructed to meditate 4 times during the day, and to remain silent for 4 hours. I was not allowed to read or watch tv, or distract myself in any way. During that time I found a beautiful peace inside myself!

During those 4 days I spent the afternoons delving deeper into Reiki with Naresh and Gaura. For 4 days I spent my time filled with peace, healing, and beautiful souls! I found this very helpful while my body and mind and heart were going through this intensive cleansing process. During this time Gaura and I made great friends with this amazing Aussie woman named Loz. We met her on the street one day because she just grabbed me while walking by and said, "Do you do Reiki, I need Reiki really bad!" This was a great synchronisity. I had just arrived in Rishikesh, and had recently been attuned. We became great friends and I talked her into doing Reiki level 1.

On day 5 we all decided to celebrate by taking a hike up to this amazing waterfall. So Naresh, Gaura, Loz, and I all hiked out through the most beautiful mountain tree's to this sparkling waterfall and spent the afternoon in our own little paradise. We swam in the cool clean water, we dunked under the strong stream of the fall, we baked in the sun by the waters edge. We all shared Reiki, as we were all Reiki healers. We talked for hours. I read Naresh's tarot cards. It was a day of true friendship, sunshine, kindness, and beauty! It was a great way to say good bye to Rishikesh.

Gaura, Loz, and I planned to leave the next morning for Gangatree. Gangatree is near the place where the holy river Ganga springs forth from. From there you must only hike 18 km to Gomuk the beginning of the revered, holy river. Our plan was to do this hike and perform some sacred spiritual ceremonies at this place of purity. That evening full of rosy cheeks, and happy hearts we stayed up late giggling and packing to leave my home in the Himalayas.

Some time in the middle of that night an awful pain began in body. This pain would grow and evolve into something awful that would change the course of my future in many ways!

It began with the feeling that I was peeing chard's of glass. A fear arose in me, as I had experienced a few UTI's in my life and this felt similar. Earlier in my trip, a doctor had diagnosed me with a UTI, urinary track infection, but my symptoms at that time had been milder. I had gone through a heavy dose of antibiotics following an ayurvedic prescription that didn't do the job. It had seemed that the antibiotics had worked for a time, but this infection had returned out of nowhere, worse than before. I sat for hours hunched over holding my lower belly, and peeing tiny, painful trickles of sharp glass every 5 minutes. I didn't sleep a wink that night. I laid next to Gaura enjoying his sweet peaceful face, and breathing in his warm comforting smell, and snuggling close to his body hoping to erase my pain with the comfort of my love.

By 4am in the morning I was a mess. I was terrified to leave the guest house even though we had already checked out. Gaura and Loz ran circles around me preparing everything, telling me everything would be fine. Loz loaded me up with fresh antibiotics, pain killers, and made me pop a strong sleeping pill as our jeep pulled out of my spiritual home in the Himalayas. I had a fear that leaving this safe haven while in my condition was a terribly bad idea, but then I began to giggle as my eyelids got heavy and my body became warm and floaty.

I fell of asleep right away, and don't remember much. I remember having to go make an awfully painful pee at a really yucky bathroom half way there. I remember Gaura feeding me water and holding on tight to me, so I wouldn't fall off the seat as I slept. At some point we changed jeeps. At some point Loz slipped me another sleeping pill to make sure I could make it through the whole 14 hour ride without crying or peeing my pants.

I awoke as we arrived at one of the most beautiful places on earth, in the dark of course. We quickly found a place to sleep, and speculated that the loud rushing sound must be the Ganga, very close by.

The next day I discovered the natural beauty of this spiritual haven. Many multi-earth colored mountains jutted towards the blue, blue, blue sky that was so blue I am sure this place is why that color of blue is called sky blue! Green, luscious foliage of every shape and size sprouted all around the fertile earth. And the rushing of the Ganga turned out to be a spectacular waterfall overflowing right behind our guest house. The air was crisp and cold, quite a change from sunny warm Rishikesh. The breeze smelled like earth, and crisp fall, and water, and nature, and purity, and divinity! I was meant to come here! Even if I was beginning to fall terribly sick, I felt so sure that I was meant to be right here in this moment! Loz had brought along this Israeli guy that she befriended our last day in Rishikesh. They quickly connected and left Gaura and I to go off on their own adventure to some hot springs a few hours away.  Due to my illness, and our plan to trek to Gomuk as soon as I was healed, we stayed behind and settled in.

Day 2 I went to see the local doctor because the pain was getting worse, and the antibiotics weren't working. He took me off them, and put me on new one's that he swore were specifically for UTI's. He promised I would be ok soon. He also loaded me up on very strong pain killers and had me check in twice a day. The pain killers worked but the antibiotics didn't seem to. The pain would be unbearable as soon as the pain killers wore off. I kept telling the doctor, and he kept telling me to be patient. Meanwhile, we couldn't hike because I was too sick, I was peeing a zillion painful times a day, and a cramp in my belly and back began to make walking a chore. We couldn't leave because I couldn't be trapped in a vehicle without peeing a zillion times for 14 hours straight. So we spent our time having amazing long talks about the deepest parts our our souls, we admitted our guilt, our fears, and our dreams to one another. We fought over stupid stuff because we were trapped in this tiny room together. It was amazing, even though I seemed to get more and more sick. We would take afternoon walks and plant ourselves on smooth, naturally water carved stone on the edge of the waterfall. We would argue about spiritual philosophy only to find out we believed the same thing, we just called it by different names. Our love deepened! I began to trust Gaura as I found out how much I could actually lean on him in my difficult moment. One day Gaura was convinced I needed really healthy soup, and somehow talked the nicest restaurant in town to let him cook for me. 6 Indian men offered there assistance to Gaura with huge smiles gawking at the western man cooking for his sick lady. We had gypsy stew full of flavor and health for dinner, and American apple surprise for desert, which was baked apples in home made caramel. We shared a little with our hosts and ate like a king and queen that night.

During that time as my condition got worse all my negative feelings and fears also continued. Even though everything was beautiful and wonderful with Gaura and I, it seemed things were awful with me and my body and my mind. I understood that this was the thick of the storm of my cleansing process. But I felt like I was fighting for my soul. I had to be sick, I had to face my negative wounds, and I had to face it all now so that I could truly move on to greater things in life. I had already been offered one of those greater things in life, Gaura, and all I had to do was actually deal and heal to prepare myself for his beautiful soul and all the kindness and love he was offering me in so many ways.

I now understand that we can't move on in life until we close doors, deal with drama, and heal pain. We can't just say that sucked, I am just gonna run away, and think of happier things, and be with better people, and leave all our anger, sadness, and blame behind and expect that it's gone. It doesn't actually go until we actually deal with it, face it, let it flow through us. Sometimes we have to cry, and think, and feel, and face difficult situations. They are hard, they do hurt, but they also teach. God does have a lesson plan for us all, and we don't get to decide what chapters to skip, because we fail the test of life if we try to cheat in this way. We need to be present, and mindful, for it all. We need to embrace and love every bit of it, because it's life, and it's precious and short!

After 8 difficult and  beautiful days in Gangatree, we needed to go and get to a more qualified doctor. We hitched a ride out of town in one of those trusty jeeps, and I prepared myself for the 14 hours by avoiding water, and loading up on pain killers once again.

When we did arrive in Rishikesh we were forced to check into a shit-hole of guest house, because I couldn't walk across the bridge to get to Lakshman Jhula, my favorite and quaint little part of town that I had always called home. We awoke to people singing in Hindi and moving bricks loudly working outside our window. The window opened up to a hallway full of darkness and bricks, and not to the outside. The bathroom had a hole for a toilet, and no sink for washing your hands, just a shower. Not a great situation for a gal who pee's as much as I did.

Gaura knew he needed to get me outta there quickly, and to a doctor shortly after that. What a beautiful heart he has. He found a local guy to drive him in out to Rishikesh with half of our stuff. He arranged a room in our favorite guest house, and told them not to bother me at all when I got there. He arranged for this local boy to drive carefully, so as not to make too many bumps, while transporting me to our guest house. He then packed the rest of our heavy stuff and met me at our room, after walking the far distance, because the local boy had to get back to work. When he arrived I was laying under a sunny window napping.

I went to the doctor as soon as possible. As soon as she saw me she admitted fear that my kidney was having trouble. I was sent in for many tests, and was diagnosed with a UTI, and Kidney infection. She said that I had drank bad water, I had probably never healed from my original UTI, I hadn't drank enough fresh water to flush my system, I had swam in dirty water, (the waterfall and the ganga), and due to the 10 days of taking the wrong antibiotics this infection had grown worse, crawling up my right kidney. She did a test that would take 3 days but would tell us exactly what antibiotics would help my body fight off this horrible infection. She made me have a sonogram to be sure that I didn't have kidney stones. I cried the whole ride to the hospital, and Gaura continued to hug me tell me it was all going to be ok.

Thank god I didn't have kidney stones. I spent 3 more days on antibiotics that made no change in my condition. I could barely walk up the 3 flights of stairs to our room, so I didn't go out much, except to eat. A couple of times Gaura carried me up the 3 flights of stairs joyfully. He begged me every time to let him carry me up, but it actually hurt worse to be carried because it put pressure on my sore kidney. He sat there looking at me with those concerned eyes, often. He was devoted to me. And, me who hates to depend on others, who revels in her individuality and competence in taking care of herself and the world, needed help. I needed inspiration, patience, juice, gentle hugs, space, naps, someone to complain to, someone to do laundry and clean, and Gaura was devoted to doing and being anything I needed! He really proved his heart to me during this time, and not because I asked him to or expected him to, not because he felt he had to, just because he loved me so pure and true in his heart that all he could do is love me and care for me as much as I would allow him to. And all I could do was let him, because I just couln't do much at all, I was too sick. This was one of the hardest things for me, and yet proved to be one of the greatest!

After 3 days the results came back from my test, and they looked grim. Out of 15 antibiotics, only 2 seemed responsive. One of the medicine's would make me throw up my food all day, NOT GOOD! The other one had to be injected into my butt twice a day. Not very enticing options. I voted for the injections, figuring I needed nutrients from my food, hating the thought of vomiting, and preparing myself for a sore ass!!!

What can I tell you about the next 7 days. I got 14 injections which hurt like hell. Gaura and the doctor would ask me questions and sing with me to distract me. One time Loz came and did a wild and silly dance and sang me, "I will survive!", which warmed my heart and made me giggle! I watched lots of cable TV. I stayed up late, slept late, took naps, and went through intense mood swings brought on by the sickness that wore down my cheery heart, as well as pure boredom. Loz and I gabbed a lot, and it was great to have a silly girl to distract me. Every afternoon Gaura brought me a huge bottle of fresh squeezed juice. He doted upon me shamelessly! Loz and Gaura were my heavenly healers making me giggle, bringing me treats, and snuggling in bed with me to watch loads of cable tv movies! I struggled to heal and to stay positive and to work through my mental drama, that had arisen right around the time my sickness had come on. What a cleansing process this was! I cleansed my heart, and my soul, and my body, truly and to the core!

I struggled to open my heart and trust Gaura, even though he was clearly proving himself worthy of such gifts! I knew this fact, and I became grumpy at my stubborn wounded heart. I fought to allow myself to just love, and to give myself to this person who was doing and being what I spent countless hours, days, years wishing the wrong people would do and be. Why is that, how can a person want to give her heart and devotion to those unworthy of such gifts, and yet have such a hard time sharing such beauty with the one who truly deserves them? Somewhere inside I knew Gaura was worthy. Somewhere inside I knew I deserved this beautiful moment with him. Somewhere inside I knew I needed to deal with all this old stuff. I knew that if I could then doors of sunshine, health, joy, spirituality, and love would open for Gaura and I.

I fought the sickness of my body and brain with full force simultaneously, and as I healed the bruises in my soul and heart, fresh bruises appeared on my bottom. It was a trade off. I had given my physical health as payment for the chance to clean up my spiritual health and start fresh and new.  I was given the stamp of good health, and the approval to leave on day 7 of my injections, and day19 of my sickness, and day 1 of my healthy new physical/emotional/spiritual self! Rishikesh had helped me transform, once again, in a major way. It proved itself as one of my spiritual homes!

Gaura, Loz, and I hopped on a 48 hour train ride down to the beautiful beaches of Goa. We were headed to the Ayurvedic Natural Health Center. We were promised 4 days each of intensive ayurvedic healing and nurturing. We all needed, deserved, and looked forward to our healing journey to the south of India!

The Transformation That Is My Life!

I have long since left Mysore and am journeying up into the Himalayas. I have returned to Rishikesh, my most sacred of towns. It is the place where I spent the most time during my last trip to India, it is a place where I found my devotion to yoga solidified, the place where I found a deeply respected guru and friend, and a place where I found love which helped my heart to heal from past wounds. I revere this place. The bumpy bus ride up the hills had me giggling, smiling, giddy with excitement. There is so much that has happened between my last post and now. I want to tell it all. I was almost tempted to begin catching you up on all that before I posted this entry, because I did not want a thing to be missed. My plan is to spend at least an hour a day here writing my adventures up until now because they are deep and worthy and life changing. But a lady must be in the current moment. So, for today here I am. I will tell you how it is now. (Later I shall tell you the juicy stories that got me here!)

I have a boyfriend. His name is Gaura Prema Das. He is young, and spiritual, and kind, and full of life and potential. Our joining forces was a journey full of confusion, twists and turns. We couldn't have planned on finding one another, but we were forced to face the fact that life smushed us together with purpose and intent. We have lots to share and learn from one another, as well as together. I have no clue where this relationship shall go, but I do know I am meant to explore it and see.

We have traveled together from Mysore, and have many plans of traveling the world together during the next chunk of blessed time.

After leaving Mysore we headed for Mathura/Vrindavan, one of the most sacred places in India. Vedic philosophy is ancient Indian spiritual documents that tell stories that relate to the ideas of god, the nature of life, and the ways in which a person should aspire to be. In these texts the main god who is the essence of all things, is named Krishna. Krishna is often called the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The following information was taken from the official Mathura/Vrindavan website:

It is understood that Mathura City is the transcendental abode of Lord Krishna. It is not an ordinary material city, for it is eternally connected with the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Vrindavan is within the jurisdiction of Mathura and still continues to exist. Because Mathura and Vrindavan are intimately connected with Krishna eternally, it is said that Lord Krishna never leaves Vrindavan. At present the place known as Vrindavana in the district of Mathura, continues its position as a transcendental place and certainly anyone who goes there becomes transcendentally purified.

"We must understand the transcendental importance of Mathura, Vrindavana and Navadvipa dhamas. Anyone who executes devotional service in these places certainly goes back home, back to Godhead after giving up his body.

"Whenever the Supreme Personality appears, He appears in Mathura because of His intimate connection with this place. Therefore, although Mathura and Vrindavana are situated on this planet earth, they are transcendental abodes of the Lord." (Srimad Bhagavatam 10.1.28 Purport).

"The Supreme Personality of Godhead, Lord Krishna engages in pastimes there eternally. For this reason Vrindavana is better than all other holy places. Sixty billion sacred places reside in Mathura and Vrindavana. (Mathura Mahatma)

One goes to holy places in hopes of having a spiritual experience. But I have learned in life that spiritual experiences can be invited like an honored guest, but one has no true control over whether or not they actually show up. We can only make the proper preparations to ourselves, set the environment, and then wait patiently for something to happen. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes spiritual things happen randomly, when we least expect it. But, if one is lucky, than they receive something deep and moving in place that holds spiritual power. I was lucky in this way during my short trip to Vrindavan. I shall tell more when I tell the story of Vrindavan.

I now have a Yoga certification which is recognized by the Yoga Alliance in Ashtanga Yoga. My teacher training program was so intense and amazing. When planning my trip Mysore had to make a big decision. Most people go to Mysore to study yoga with Pattabhi Jois, otherwise known as guruji. He is the man who made Ashtanga yoga famous around the world. He is in his 90's and has been teaching for many, many years now to Indians. The westerners only began to explore him, and Ashtanga yoga within the last 15 years or so. Before that he was a simple, humble teacher of yoga. He is now a very famous and wealthy man. I honor him for the wonderful thing he has done for all of us yogi's outside of India, for the gift of this precise science that is Ashtanga. Part of me wanted to come to study with guruji, because of the fact that I could go back to America and say that I studied with the man that brought us this yoga. But, I had my reservations. I had heard stories that he liked to touch westerners bottoms, and other stories that he was fiercely strict, rumors that he wasn't even teaching anymore. Also, to get a certification with guruji was impossible for me at this point, the process takes years. And, the cost to study with guruji is about double to three times as costly as other places of study. But still part of me longed to be there in the place of study with the famous man who's name my peers and colleague's revered.

A couple of years ago I discovered a little yoga shala in Mysore called the Mysore Mandala. I found it through a respected colleague teaching yoga in Canada. She usually holds retreats at this shala and raves about the teacher, the organic farm and garden, the healthy cafe, and the people. This shala  was well known enough to have a nice community of followers, but it still remains small enough to be intimate with classes of about 15 students or so. Compared to the hundreds of students that attend guruji's classes daily, it seemed that personal attention was more likely in this smaller shala. I continued communication with my colleague from Canada for over two years, receiving information about her retreats, and updates on the Mysore mandala. Right from the beginning I felt a curiosity that continued to grow over these couple of years. They offered an intensive teacher training program which was Yoga Alliance approved. I have been through 2 teacher training courses, but still sought something Yoga Alliance approved. I just felt a pull to visit the Mysore Mandala, it seemed to meet my needs better than the dreamy idea of studying with guruji.

I feel so confident and joyful that I made the best decision for myself. Once I arrived in Mysore I found out that guruji isn't even teaching anymore. The main shala is being run by guruji's daughter and grandson. Friends of mine who studied with them  had mixed things to say. There is no doubt that guruji left a wonderful legacy for the world at large. But, I have heard the following complaints about the current main shala:

Because there are soooooo many students practicing in each class there is barely enough room to practice, you are so close to other students that often you bump arms. Sometimes, people even practice in the dressing rooms because there is no more space in the yoga room. Due to so many students, you don't receive very much personal attention in the form of adjustments and advice. If your lucky you will receive one or two adjustments, if that during a class. Guruji passed on his legacy to his grandson Sharat, giving him charge over the main shala and all of his students that he no longer teaches. Some people feel that even though Sharat inherited all of these students in this revered shala, he has yet to earn or own his own greatness as a worthy successor. Like a young king in charge of a kingdom that formerly had a world changing, brilliant king; he needs to grow into his shoes, he is not guruji, he is Sharat full of potential but not yet the teacher his grandfather was. Some people mentioned recieving adjustments that they weren't comfortable with.

All of this information is simply speculation, or gossip because I didn't experience it for myself. I am only quoting what I have heard from people around the town. Many others....hundreds, thousands around the world flock to the main shala still, and revere it as "The Place" for Ashtanga yoga. I admit still a small curiosity to see for myself one day.

But for now I am so glad that I chose the Mysore mandala. The teachers I found there were shining beacons of humanity. I received more than my share of personal attention in every single class that I attended there.I was able to ask unlimited questions. Throughout the six weeks I practiced there, I recieved adjustments in every single pose of the primary series many, many times, which helped me to learn to do all of the poses more precisely. In my life I choose teachers that I can know, that wish and have the time to know me. I believe that knowledge is best passed between those who truly know and understand one another. I love to have teachers that I can personally ask questions, honor in person, hug in person, and offer my services and kind deeds in return honoring my teacher in person. All of my teachers at the Mysore mandala were very close to me during the time I studied there. I once had brunch at my yoga teachers home. Often after a very intensive practice my teacher would walk on my back, or massage muscles that were aching, helping me relax into meditation. (He did this for all students male and female, and had a wonderfully thorough knowledge of massage and the body!) A group of us actually ganged up on our teacher one day and decided to give him massage in return! It was such a lovely sight to be walking on my teachers back as he layed on the floor of the shala office while 4 other students massaged different parts of his body. This may not seem "professional" to an outsider. But to that I say professional smofessional, WHO CARES. It was real, we were all kind humans! He was our smiley, humble, & brilliant guide on the path of spirtiual practice. We were his devoted children, thankful and full of love. When I left, I felt as though I left behind a family that I could return to at anytime. I left with an invitation to stay at my yoga teachers home when I return. This is the kind of place for me!

Unfortunately I have a sore lower back that is currently healing, from such an INTENSE six week yogic journey. My teacher gave the kind of adjustments that took you to the end of the earth and assured you that the world is not flat, it is round. I truly experienced this as he twisted me so deeply, so many times, that I was able to almost make a full circle looking in the direction I began the twist. This felt great, but the intensity of the program broke me a little, due to my own lack of caution, and my over exertion and excitement. This also happened to other students who shared my enthusiasm for the edge of progress. I learned so much, I went to the edge each of myself, and I didn't have the tact to stop there. I was so giddy and drunk on yogic knowledge that I flew past the edge in search of deeper connection to the essence of yoga. Unfortunately, one must respect the edge, slowly pushing past it with years of daily devotion. Those of us that soared past drunk on our progress found that we had a huge yoga hang over after wards, in the form of small injuries, sore bodies, and our prescription was just to rest. Unfortunately, by the end of my program I was one of these such individuals, as was Sarah and Guara. We all got so excited by our progress that we lost the power of tact to observe our limits. Oh well, I have got a lifetime to keep on trying to get it right.

I am also now certified to do Ayurvedic Therapeutic Massage. I practice on Gaura frequently, and I hope to make some money while traveling Thailand, offering Ayurvedic Therapeutic Massage.

I also have my level 1/2 Reiki Attunement. I recieved this attunement, as well as healing and an acupressure analysis from my loving healers and spiritual, indian family Morely and Geeta. They are a couple of people who are so wonderful, and have so much greatness to offer the world. I shall share their story later.

Reiki (霊気 or レイキ) is a form of spiritual practice, used as a complementary therapy, proposed for the treatment of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual diseases. Mikao Usui developed Reiki in early 20th century Japan, where he said he received the ability of healing without energy depletion after three weeks of fasting and meditating on Mount Kurama. Practitioners use a technique of laying their hands on certain parts of the body, which they say will channel "healing energy". Practitioners state that energy flows through their palms to bring about healing and that the method can be used for self-treatment as well as treatment of others.

Level 1/2 certifies a person the heal. When I return to Mysore, on my way back to America, at the end of my trip: I plan to receive my level 3/4 attunement. Level 3/4 certifies a person to heal, attune, and train others to be Reiki practitioners. I shall use the time between now and my next attunement to practice Reiki, and heal, and keep cleansed my own Reiki channels.

So much has happened since I left America. I still haven't had a sip of alcohol, and  am clean and pure. I am doing my best to stick to my satvic diet of no caffeine, garlic, onions, or intoxicants of any sort. It is hard to completely avoid garlic and onions while eating out at restaurants every day. Some people just don't get the whole special diet thing, and they cook things how they cook them and thats that. And, I admit my guilty pleasure is a chai here and there, with a coffee every rare occasion. But, it feels great to be working at this.

I have been on such an emotional/spiritual/mental, whole person process! I have had to face myself completely, I have been working through and healing years of old wounds and have been cultivating years of intended good spiritual practices. All that I have wanted to let go of inside and about myself I am working through. All that I have longed to be and set in place in my life, I have been working on!

What a wonderful moment in time. Sorry for the obnoxious length of this post. I guess I have so much to say! I am so alive, and I wish I could hug the world and give all the amazing energy that I have bubbling inside me!

For now though, all I can say is Namaste! The light in me bows to the light in you!

Growing Into My Yogic Self!

I have officially memorized the full primary series! Woo Hoo! Now I just flow through without thought and get into a very focused meditative state during my practice. I can feel myself transforming. I have so much to say, I don't know where to begin!

My schedule has gotten even more crazy! I spent the last two weeks learning from 6am to 7pm, pretty much...with a small break here or there. Through out the day I practice 1 1/2 hours of Astanga Asana, I practice 1 1/2 hours of teaching and alignment during a real yoga class, I practice 1 hour of asana as preparation for meditation, and then 20-30 minutes of pranayama as preparation for meditation, and then 20-30 minutes of meditation, then a second practice of 30 minutes of pranayama later in the day.

The alignments that Sheshadri gives are powerful! I am so happy to be learning them! I have to use my whole body, and am twisting yogi bodies into some of the craziest positions, using all my strength to mold my human sculptures! It is hard work, but fun, and I love to see the look on peoples faces when little old me takes them to their limit in some advanced shape! Sheshadri is a exceptional teacher, and truly knows how to push limits as well as soothe weakness and injury. He stands on people's thigh's when they are in wheel pose, and then he walks on people's backs to relax them during their svasana. He has noticed that I am very interested in the massage and back walking techniques. So, he has taken to teaching me these things and giving me ample opportunities to practice at the end of peoples asana practice.  I love it!

The meditation course is so intensive and wonderful. My meditation teacher, Dr. Nagaraj,  has taught me how to apply a meditative state to my yoga asana practice and has helped me to synchronize my breath with my movements. The meditation techniques are strict and specific but a great tool to really meditate and not just relax! The formula for meditation is that we must always practice asana (which is not meant to be done alone, but really is only preparation for meditation), and then pranayama, and then meditation. This formula is never to be tampered with. Asana prepares the body, and pranayama prepares the mind and the energy. These are necessary to truly meditate, and not just relax and float in a peaceful state. My teacher/guru Nagaraj, calls this type Spiritual Mediation, and sets it apart from most western approaches which simply allow the person to be thoughtless, or relaxed. Thoughtless and relaxed are great states to be in, they feel good, but they do not bring one closer to deep levels of spirituality which are true yogic intentions for meditation. I am finding the process to be brilliant, I really love it. Now when I practice my 1 1/2 hours of asana separately, I am finding that I am using the entire time to be in this focused spiritual state.  I feels as though I used to be very lost in my body, feeling the strength of one pose, enjoying the flexibility of another, dreading the pain of yet another pose. But now I find that my body is getting very strong and flexible. I have also brought out old injuries which I feel I am working through for good. Because of all this, I am always strong, and flexible, and slightly in pain. All poses, I am all things. I find that with this new approach, no matter how strong or painful or flexible my body feels, my mind is in a state of constant focus, peace, directed spiritual observation. I am sure my explanations here are not doing justice to the new experience and level I am reaching during my yoga practice. Somethings aren't easily expressed. And yet,  I am so excited about these changes, and this new approach, and level I have reached that I wish to express and share it!!

I feel as though I am now riding in a boat that is taking me higher and higher up a river that climbs the mountain of spirituality, however backwards that sounds...it's how I feel. I feel as though naturally during this dedicated process my body is evolving, but that is secondary to the internal growth that is transforming me! Yeah Yoga! Yoga meaning the whole path, the  yamas, the niyamas, the meditation, the pranayama, the satvic diet, the asana, the community, the process, the cleansing, the evolving...the whole shebang!!!

On a side note, I am now playing in a band. Our band was born accidentally. Many yogi's began congregating on our only weekend night off, Fridays. We have no classes at all on Saturday. So we have a big potluck dinner and do Kirtan, chanting, as a means for celebration on our one night off. Each time we come together to celebrate our music synchronizes and sounds really amazing. One of the band members, Dennis who is from Italy, says that if we jammed like this at an establishment in Rome we would have a great following and make great money. Not that we do it for those reasons at all! We all just play together! I play didgerie doo, and sing, and tinker with guitar sometimes, and dance around with my fire poi in the background sometimes as well. Sarah plays mridanga, an indian drum, and sings. Gaura plays mridanga, and kartals bells, and sings. Dennis plays tabla, another type of indian drum, and sings. David plays guitar, and sings. Anastacia plays the mridanga, and this Siberian instrument which I only know the russian name for: the vargan. Ella plays the kartals bells, and sings. We have other people who join their voices with us, or tinker on a glass with a fork to make cool sounds, or borrow a drum to jam along for some moments. But that is our core group. We are pretty great! I have never been part of a group that sounded so  professional together. We don't plan anything, we just jam. Sometimes we sing songs that are timeless and country less...music that people all over the world know and can sing along to, and then we mix in some yogic chants with them. But mostly we do kirtan chanting and make up our own jams. I love to see peoples smiles and their eyes as they listen and watch us. I am so glad that we bring them joy, cuz it feels so great to play! Unfortunately in a couple of weeks we are going have break up the band as our paths diverge and we all frolic on in our own direction. Gaura and I plan to keep up our daily jam sessions when we head up north to explore spiritual and yogic places together. Dennis will be traveling with us for a bit as well, so we shall all keep on jamming for the joy of it.

I miss all my loved ones! And I love this moment in life. I have never felt more like a true, healthy, version of myself than I do right now! And I am only at the beginning of the process I have begun! Wow, how exciting! Can't wait to grow some more

Sightings of Great Yogi's!

The other morning I was walking alone to yoga and I saw an old man that I swore was Pattabhi Jois. He looked exactly like him!!! Keep in mind that I live in a totally different neighborhood than his current home. However his old and original shala and home were in my neighborhood, before he got so big. But, it is unlikely that it was really him. He is sick with a heart condition and just turned 93 a few days ago, so he probably would not be walking at 5:30 in the morning in a neighborhood other than the one he lives in, he probably wouldn't be walking at all at that time of day. But still, the man I saw resembled him so much that I have to believe somewhere inside that it could have been him.

The other day I did, however, see David Swenson sitting on the front stairs of the main shala, of Pattabhi Jois.

I also look over in yoga class and see brilliant yogi's from all over the world, all of which are not famous but are evolved and amazing and inspiring!

So many great yogi's in this town!

A Day In The Life!

It's been 2 weeks and I have been so busy living, learning, and expressing myself in so many ways that it has been hard for me to sit at a computer and write my experiences. I have not known how to say what I am going through. I imagine when this 6 week yoga teacher training is over I will sit back and need to spew my knowledge like vomit out into the world because there is so much of it filling me right now, and I have so much more to take in. I promise it shall be healthy, delightful vomit, maybe more like rays of light and sunshine beaming from me than my previous description. But anyhow, until then I shall promise to write what I can manage when I can manage the energy.

So, here goes....a day in the life of an american yogini living in mysore india:

I wake up at 4:30am 6 days a week. For anyone who knows me, this is not NORMAL, I am a sleepy monster in the wee hours of morning, but somehow I manage here. I run to the bathroom and flip on the switch that shall heat a large metal pot of water that shall be my "hot bucket", or makeshift shower, for the day. I need this shower before yoga for many reasons. One, because I don't think my body would want to move at all at 6:00am when yoga starts, without some awakening. Two, because my yoga practice has become so intense that I generate massive amounts of heat, and the cool wetness of my head keeps me from overheating. Three, because the routine helps me to stay focused!

After my shower, I stumble to the Mandala Yoga Shala in the quiet darkness of early morning. During my yoga practice I do every single vinyasa, which is a great thing for a girl who love's her flexibility while in the poses, and tends to avoid the hard work of strength building which vinyasa offers. Every single vinyasa, and now I can't imagine why I was so lazy. It's hard...but not that hard, and I am getting strong and I love it. The vinyasa prepares me, it cleanses the pallate of my body, it connects the different postures weaving a well designed web of wealth for my whole body and breath.

My teacher is named Shishadri, and is a small, bright eyed, sweet, challenging man who once was a world renowned yoga champion. He is gentle with me in his words, not as hard on me as he is with others. He's a great teacher, & gives each the level of strictness or sweetness that we need to be challenged to learn, to expand, to grow. He noticed quickly how well I respond to positive reinforcement, and even though I sometimes get a sharp order to move this way or that mostly, he eases my limber body and self into some very wild and exciting positions which I have never been able to take as far. After this he smiles down on me, and his eyes ask, "Did you like my gift? Are you happy? I am happy for you!" His sweet smile and intensely challenging nature inspire me with full amounts of devotion and joy to this ancient practice which I am climbing the ladder of. Thank you, Thank you, Shishadri, I want to be all this and more!

After yoga I head home to clean up and have some breakfast. I head back to the Mandala by 10:00am for philosophy class. We study for 3 hours, which were only supposed to be 2 hours...but we are so inquisitive that we ask thousands of questions getting us off track. Our teacher Dr. Nagaraj is so inspired by our curiosity that he feeds us knowledge with such patience and kindness. I sometimes imagine we are infants screaming and crying for our breakfast of yoga sutras and yoga therapeutics and such, and our loving teacher/parent Dr. Nagaraj sings us songs while swirling the airplane of a baby spoon of ancient knowledge towards our ignorant starved mouths and minds. After the first two and three quarter hours I start to feel a little overwhelmed as though I ate too much knowledge and need a rest and some pepto to ease the intensity of over indulging! The things we are learning are specific, precise, ancient, deep, philosophical, spiritual, and our teacher is so practical holding us to standards so that we may exist and represent ourselves as truely trained, developed, and sculpted yogi's of a high quality! I have come to understand that my whole idea about the purpose of yoga was incorrect, and am overjoyed to be coming to understand truely for the first time in my twelve and a half years of practice! Thank you, Thank you Dr. Nagaraj! I want to be all this and more!

After this intensity we are blessed with a three and a half hour break. Usually we go home to eat some lunch and then head out to do errands. There are always errands to do. From the bank, to the post office, to the grocerie store to get fresh food, to the mandala to practice our instruments. Sarah has taken up mirdangam, an indian drum. I am fully devoted to my didgerie doo, and my guitar! Errands, practice, a small rest for fifteen minutes or so, and the time between classes flies by!

At 4:30 I have been going for a full 12 hours by now. This is thime we are doing pranayama practice. Shishadri teaches these ancient practices of controlling the inhalation, exhalation, and retention of breath. These practices are designed to channel and influence the energy flow within both gross, and subtle bodies! Its difficult to focus, but amazing, and afterwards I always feel as though I am floating. I have now come to see that the art and practice of pranayama requires a competantly trained teacher, which I haven't had many of in this category. The depths of this practice are so vast that many of my american teachers have never been trained to understand, practice, or teach such levels. In america, I only skimmed the surface of this deep subject!

After pranayama, I am spaced out, hungry, floating my way back to my spiritual haven of a home. Our home is almost nicer than my home in america, and yet much more simple. It has a veranda where there is a little peanut swing for sitting and cotemplating. The kitchen is the one thing I have not become accustomed to. It has a simple two plated gas burner, a small fridge, a water purifier, and a small sink. All this is crammed into a small space. The burners aren't enough to cook the elaborate meals Sarah and I are famous for, but we get by. The water always leaks onto the floor when we wash dishes, but we get by. The fridge decides not to work, every so often, and then water leaks all over the floor, but we clean it up and somehow get by. It's not ideal but we get by. Originally we were sharing the bedroom, but when sarah got sick I started sleeping on the matress in our our common space. I wanted to give her some privacy and space to sleep well so she could heal. But during this time I came to enjoy the moments of privacy to contemplate and just be alone for a short time. We are with people and each other all day. I am taking in so much, that it is nice to be alone and let my mind drift, and my energy swirl inside itself.

So each night we retreat to our haven and cook dinner, & clean up...so as not to lure the big bugs that india so lovingly grows. Usually our new friend Gaura joins us for our evening unwinding and eating ritual. Gaura is a beautiful russian man who is highly spiritual and a wonderful addition to our little family. He left home at the age of fourteen to join the Hari Krishna's. He was a monk for many years, but his open heart prevailed always resisting the renunciation of a monks life. His elders and himself eventually came to see this struggle as a sign that he made serious vows before he was mature enough to know himself and his true self and where on the path to spirituality he truely was. This struggle has caused him great confusion, and he is now on a journey of exploration into his true self, struggling to preserve the wonderful knowledge passed down to him by his elder monks, yet seeking to be who he truely is and accept that he is not as close to the spiritual liberation that these monks were priming him for. Yet, he remains highly pure and inspiring as an individual. He has joined the rest of us on the material plane and on our path to self understanding and integration of our spiritual self into our worldly life! He has lived in india for many years and is deeply philosophical, kind, pure, and silly! I admit that our hearts are connected in some way, and I shall speak more of this fascinating human as our story unfolds, and my mind and heart are able to better understand and express what we share.

And that is it for now...what else can I say about a day in the life of a spiritually inspired woman, seeking to expand, seeking to learn, seeking to challenge herself and all her previous understandings of everything, seeking, seeking, seeking both out and in!

Diving into the world, the sacred texts, and myself!

Diving into the deepness of my breath

Diving into this strange place on the opposite side of the world

Diving into ancient sacred texts

Diving into the rusty corners and well oiled angles of my body

Diving into shining eyes and respect worthy minds of my teachers

Diving into a pure spiritual beauty who makes my heart feel as open as the vastness of sea

Diving into a life that is some one elses's, which I have borrowed for six weeks, making a home in this transitional learning place

Diving into my fears, my acceptance, my questioning, and the burning in my soul for the ultimate liberation which I am far from

Diving into expansion as I implode into my own silence hidden under my buzzing exterior

Diving into music like it is my womb of expression, losing myself in sound, losing my power over words temporarily

Diving into a pool of yogi's and our collective sweat as we seek, and seek, and seek some more!

Into The Clouds: The beginning!

Hello Love's! This is part 3 in my journey across the world. Part one was my transformation through the loss of love into my historical spirituality, and the reformation of myself as I journeyed through Israel, Egypt, & Jordan. This was the bottom of the earth. Part 2 was my elevation into my higher self through diving into the birth place of yoga and my chosen spiritual path as I traversed India. This was the top of the earth.

I literally went from the bottom of the earth to the top of the earth, from the dead sea to the himalayas. These previous journal entries shall be compiled into book 1 titled, "From the Bottom of the Earth, To the Top of the Earth!"

Thus in this moment begins Book 2, "Into the Clouds!" These following journal entries shall track my current travels across India, Nepal, & Thailand for at least the next 6 months.

I should warn you that I am brutally, beautifully honest! It is one of my most respected and upheld values. I can honestly say I have told only one lie in my life, as far back as I can remember. (I may have exagerated the truth a bit here & there for the sake of a good story, but added juicy adjectives dont really add up to lies, mostly just friendly embellishments, which I am working on removing from my purely honest life as we speak!) So, you can expect it all right here on the internerd for your reading pleasure. I try to be a good, pure, spiritual person as often as I can. I admit that I have my guilty pleasure's which I work hard at keeping as treats and not habbits. I am a woman on the verge of 30 and I admit fascination with men, dating, and love! I have a free spirit and an open heart. I make my papa's belly swirl like a rollercoaster sometimes with the wild adventure's and situations I joyfully get myself into. I am not afraid to try new, wild, extreme, & sometimes dangerous things in the name of being alive and living as though this moment is the only, most important moment I shall be or have ever been given! I believe in god and I believe that god love's that I am happy to live this life and enjoy all the treats and adventures god leads me to try! I believe this god shall protect my life for as long as this god give's it to me. I believe that this god shall bring me only harm and trajedy that I can handle as lessons to sharpen me, bring me closer to deeper levels of enlightenment, and prepare me for some greater purpose that is eventually in store for me.

Why is this lady rambling about all this?, you may be asking yourself. Well, I want you to know that you shall get the whole story here. I want you to have it all. I want you to know that we are all connected, and my adventure is your adventure. We are all just living, learning,  & loving! Living, learning, & loving is beautiful and also ugly sometimes. It is gory full of gross and fascinating details. It is amazing and exciting. It is everything as this story shall be.

I hope you can find your connection to me as you we all embark upon our shared journey towards our highest selves. I hope you don't judge me when I am naughty, or make mistakes. I hope you enjoy watching as I grow, and I hope it helps you find our shared humanity, and in the end I hope it helps you grow.

For you are me, and I am you, and we are all we, & I love us!

All my truth,

Dana

This is Life, Love, Learning: The End/Beginning!

Sonu gave me detailed instructions on how to be safe as though I were a child, as he sent off on my journey alone. As the wild world of india flew past me I felt a sense of freedom and joy at being alone in the world once again. I felt empowered, like I was strong enough to face anything. I arrived in Rishikesh, and headed straight for the Darm Yatri Niwas, my trusty old guest house from our previous trip here. I was given the same room as before and I settled in to read my book and enjoy my own company.

The first couple of days were nice, I found myself silent, happy, and shanti, peaceful. I read, I thought, I did lots of yoga with my guru, and existed in the moment purely. My guru and I settled into a flow of information share between disciple and teacher. He taught me twice a day and had me teach classes once a day. He promised to bring me with him twice a week to teach to the local school children.

One day I crossed path's with a beautiful Israeli man whom I recognized from my previous visit to Rishikesh. We smiled at one another, and our eyes recognized each others souls. Strange as that may sound it was true. I knew in that instantaneous moment that we had shared time in another life time, or at least we would share some in this life time!

That afternoon after wandering the town, and eating a simple lunch of rice and sag paneer, spinach with cheese, I ran into this man and his friend. He smiled and asked me where I was coming from. I told him that I had been eating lunch. He told me that I should invite him next time, and I promised I would. I told him that we should hang out some time, and he promised we would. I skipped back to my room barely touching the ground with my feet, andticipating the idea of knowing the beautiful person.

The next morning on my way down the stairs from yoga I heard the sound of the didgerie doo, and was enchanted. I have always felt intrigued with the unique and trance like sounds of this strange aboriginal instrument. It has always drawn me in. I followed the sound until I found my israeli friend playing it and drawing me in. When he looked up and saw me there, his eyes lit up with his huge smile. We shuffled from foot to foot, nervous, excited, and for a moment unable to speak as we stood eye to eye. I told him the sound had drawn me in, and I had always loved this
instrument. He told me he was just learning and invited me to try it. I sat down and played a beautiful sound on my first try. He was amazed that I was able to play the didge, as he had allowed at least 50 people to try and I was the first who was able to make a sound at all. He invited me to join his friends. I sat for a couple of hours hanging out and playing the didgerie doo. Idan, my new friend invited me to join him for dinner later that night and I gladly agreed!

In my room that afternoon I did some yoga. I was working on some difficult poses that my guru did not include in our lessons. One of those poses was the scorpion pose, a very vigorous but beautiful shape for the body to achieve. I worked hard at perfecting this pose as I was fascinated with it.

That evening we had dinner with his friends and then we skipped off to drink king fisher beers and be alone. We sat in my room and talked for hours. We told our life stories, we shared our secrets, we confessed our dreams. We layed on our backs and stretched our toes towards the sky. We layed on or sides and inspected each others eyes. We kissed softly, moving so slow, afraid that speed would spoil the authenticity of our connection. Eventually we looked over and noticed a scorpion right in the spot that I had been attempting to perfect scorpion pose that afternoon. Idan was fascinated with animals, so he helped me rid my room of my dangerous friend, with out harming the creature. I decided that after sharing my room with a mouse for days, and now the appearance of a scorpion, I needed to shift rooms as soon as possible, and set my mind to doing so the next day after yoga class. We said our goodnight with promises of many more things to share in the days to come.

After yoga the next morning my guru asked me if I had been using the ayurvedic face mask to heal my sensitive skin. I admitted that I had not yet done so. He demanded that I let him do this for me right that moment. One does not go against their guru's will, unless of course their will is innappropriate, which this was certainly not. He only wanted to help me, so I agreed. I sat on the floor with my head in my guru's lap as he used the herbs to exfoliate my skin, and then the mixture of curd, yogurt, and herbs as a mask for my skin. He insisted that I wear this mask for the next two hours, and I promised I would.

Not five minutes passed before the front desk called to inform me that my new room was ready, and I needed to vacate my current room asap so that some one else could move in. With a green, chunky covered face, I grabbed all of my things and headed upstairs to my new room. On my way there, of course I ran into Idan. I was so nervous to see him again. I wasn't sure how he was going to be today, after such an intimate evening. You see, he is so beautiful inside out. He is the guy every girl wants. Now, I don't have much problems connecting to the men that I am intrigued with either. I work hard at having a joyfull, kind, open, and beautiful heart which shines out of me, I am quite comfortable in my soul and my skin and I guess this energy draws the men I want to me. But still, I was nervous about Idan, I felt I had met my match in beauty and knew that he could have any girl he wanted. Why should I be the one he chooses. But all covered in a chunky green face he recognized me, and ran up, picked me up, spun me around, and told me I was so beautiful! This soothed my nerves and assured me that our connection was real for both of us, and we were meant to share our hearts.

Thus begun a beautiful 3 week journey into love and friendship and soul sharing. Should I tell you all the details? I wonder? What happens between lovers is private, and powerful. It is a mystery of life the magic of love. It heals, it teaches, it soothes, in energizes, it transforms and unites. He was a can opener for my heart that had been battered and bruised and sealed shut by unrequitted love.

Previously, I had chosen the man I wanted to marry and had opened myself completely to him. I gave him my heart and my soul, and I loved him as deeply as I loved myself. And he had kept me by his side for nearly four years without ever inviting me into the secret places of his soul. I had given up the last of my childhood for this man because he asked me to and told me that he would truly be mine if I would do that. But that didn't work, I tried all that I could to show him that I was special, and wonderful, and the one for him. He looked at me and saw that I was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to him, and so he kept me by his side. But he never let me in. He wouldn't let me teach him, he wouldn't relinquish any control, he wouldn't take a leap of faith and chance for us. And he wouldn't let me go. Near the end, I prayed for him to just set me free, for I loved him so much that I didn't think I had the strength to let him go. But he just wouldn't. He wouldn't love me with all his soul, and he wouldn't let me go. Oh, what a pain that was. I lost myself in the depression I went through after finding some small bit of strength to propel me away from him. My soul ripped when I walked away, but I walked away. I walked and walked and walked all the way to the middle east. The middle east healed me a bit. My family healed me a bit. Little moments of me coming back into me healed me a bit. But my heart was still sealed closed with super glue!!!!

Idan Cohen was the tincture to peel apart a bit of that super glue and get in. Oh what a joy to have some one in my heart again! We ordered dessert after every meal. Our dessert was named, "Hello to the Queen!" and we ate it each time like it was our last moments on earth, smiling, giggling with our sugar and soul high. We were so in love with one another and the moment that we lived life like it is supposed to be lived! He gave me his heart, his body, his soul, his everything. He made no promises and he held nothing back! For that time it was all perfect between us. I gave it all to him as well and he took it and appreciated it, and honored it! He would look over at a stranger sitting next to us at a restaurant and say, "Look at this woman, isn't she just the most beautiful woman you have ever seen? Don't we look great together! I wish you could know her heart because it blows away her physical beauty which is really hard to believe is
possible, BUT IT IS, I know!" Oh what pink cheeks I had for three weeks straight!

We would run in the himalayas together. We bathed at the ganges river together. We sat on my balcony at night and howled at the moon with our didgerie doo's. (He took right away on our 3rd day together to buy me a didgerie doo, at a shop called Mukesh's Shop. I made my didge myself, and he inscribed on the bottom, "love from Idan") We rode bike's together. We mad lots of love with our bodies and our minds and our hearts. Love in every form of the word! And, it was all perfect!

In the meantime I also shared a very different kind of love with my guru. Every day our intensive learning sessions went on and on. Twice a week we went to teach yoga to the local school children. Mostly I taught and my guru gleamed with pride at my skill under his direction. I helped him by creating bright flyers and posting them all around town. He had at his home for dinner with his lovely family many times. We would whirl around town on his motorbike, ordering the best mango lassi's in town, and going to visit his scholar friends. Here we would discuss deep philosophical mysteries and ideas. My guru appreciated my wit and intellect and loved to show me off to his well to do intellectual friends, watching as I matched them and debated with my education and ideas about spirituality, political ideas, and general philosophy.

These 3 weeks were full of love, spirituality, education, philosophy, and hard personal transformational work!

And finally, as I hopped into a rickshaw to ride to the bus which would take me back to Delhi where I would catch my flight home, I cried because it was all so perfect and wonderful, and now it was over. I never wanted it to end, and yet I realized my soul was full, and could take not a bit more. It was time to return home and utilize this knowledge and share it all until I was empty and eager for more learning. And then I would return to fill again!

Back in Delhi, Sonu picked me up from the bus station. I had hours to burn before my flight and so, I took out every last penny I owned from my bank account and went shopping. Sonu and I wandered the market in Delhi until I was broke, and then we headed for the airport.

India had changed me forever! Words would do injustice to the beautiful transformation it gave me. In my heart I wish every person has the chance to journey into the world and into themselves as deeply as I was able to in India.

And so I end this story of my first travels in India with a simple statement that means so much:

Namaste!
The light in me bows to the light in you!

Sarah's Grand Finale!

As we were twirling down the mountain at rapid speeds, the rain subsided and the monkeys came out to play. We pulled over to get pictures of the family of monkeys as they frolliced on the fresh, clean mountainside. They were quite curious about us, and came very close to the car making us a bit nervous. By now we were well aware that the monkeys can be a bit violent and agressive. But, they watched us as we watched them, strangers taking in each others strangeness. The excitement of being that close to wild monkeys doesn't wear off even in 2 months!

Back to the speedy twirling down the mountains. We headed for Sonu's home village to meet his family and enjoy a home cooked meal. We arrived in this luscious, green  village and were introduced to at least 20 of Sonu's relatives. They were so excited to have "real American" women there visiting them. Sonu became an instant hero for bringing us to liven up their humble lives for a few hours. Many beautiful auntie's pinched our cheeks, and bright eyed youngsters practiced the little english that they knew on us. They brought us out back to see the Buffalo mother and her baby. They were both so beautiful with those classic, loving, ancient eyes to match those of the people who cared for them. We hugged the buffalo calf and took pictures kissing her nose. We sat with Sonu's mother and father and he translated so that we could have somewhat of a conversation with them.

Then the amazing meal was served on the best china. Sonu had told his mother that our favorite indian dish was bhangan bharta, a spicy egplant dish. It was the best bhangan bharta I had my entire trip in india. With it she served nan, flat bread, and the strangest accompanyment of fresh buffalo butter. She encouraged us to eat the butter with a spoon, not on bread, but merely with a spoon like ice cream or something. It certainly was thick and buttery, but I never ate butter with a spoon before, and to be honest, I don't imagine I shall ever again. The butter tasted nice, but it was too rich, too much to eat all by itself. But, we smiled and scooped big spoonfuls of it to make our hosts feel good. They were so kind, we did not want to offend them at all!

After dinner we all sat in the evening air and enjoyed light conversation, over happy full bellies. Eventually it was time for us to emerge from the loving embrace of this village of relatives that Sonu was so lucky to call his own! The children ran alongside the car as we drove away, leaving behind promises to return one day.

And on we spiraled down the mountains and back to Delhi. Eventually we landed at a friendly and familiar hotel we had stayed at many times during the trip. We settled in and passed out, with dread of the following morning.

We awoke and ordered our ritual breakfast of 2 chai's, aloo parantha's (potato bread), spicy mango pickle's, and curd (yogurt). We sat silently dreading the afternoon, and Sarah's departure. After breakfast Sonu met us and we decided to go out with a bang one last time. We went to the liquor store to get big bottles of king fisher beer. We sat in our hotel room and got drunk and giggled. We talked about all of the fun we had on this life changing trip. We talked about our plans to return the very next summer. We drank and talked until we were warm and mushy inside.

Finally it was time to take Sarah to the airport. Sonu and I waved like maniac's as we watched tiny Sarah and her HUGE bags disappear into the crowds at the airport.

Silently we walked back to the car. The drive was heavy, and sad. We were silent mostly the whole way back. Sonu left me at the hotel and promised to return in the morning to take me to my bus, for my return to Rishiskesh. I looked forward to the opportunity to dive into yoga with my new guru. I missed my partner in crime. I fell asleep late that night after watching too many wierd and fun bollywood movies. I left the tv on all night tricking myself into feeling as though I wasn't alone

Dharmshala Part 2: Going Out With A Bang!

When morning came, it was obvious to me that Sarah was really sick and needed to see a doctor. I set out asking around the hotel to find out where the local doctor could be found. We were directed to the hospital, way down the hill, outside the main city. We snagged an ride in a beatup rickshaw, and set to getting Sarah healthy. After our ride pulled off, we were quickly notified that they were not seeing any more patients that day. They gave us a little bit of information about the local Tibetan Medical Clinic. We were stuck at the bottom of a huge hill, kinda far from the city, Sarah was sick as a dog, and the whole situation was heavy and intense. Somehow we snagged a ride back up the hill, a little while later. We went in search of the Tibetan doctors.

We sort of wandered the streets trying ot figure out where this place was. We never found it, but were directed to where we were meant to go. A sweet woman who sold  hand made books on the street told us that the clinic we were looking for wasn't open, but told us about one that was. She then arranged to have someone watch her cart and took us there. She didn't want anything in return, and only wished to be helpful. She was so kind.

It was a small, simple, but clean place. There were sweet pictures drawn by local school children on the walls. It was so interesting to look at what kinda pictures these kids drew. It was in many ways just like American children's drawings, rudementary, bright, in crayon, scribbly, and sweet. But, the topic's, the concepts, and the style of creation had a very Tibetan flare to it. I found this charming, as I love children....and art.....  and different culture's.

We waited an hour or so before being called in a little office. Sarah and I sat at a professional desk, in front of a casual looking Tibetan woman. The approach to assesing the situation and healing was very much like Ayurveda mixed with Acupuncture. She took Sarah's pulse, and asked a few questions. She looked at the color of Sarah's eyes and skin. She was subtley sizing her up. But, when she began to make statements about Sarah's health, and sickness, they were exact, even though Sarah hadn't told her all those details. The woman had a very amazing vibe about her, she seemed very knowledgeable and professional, yet simple and humble.

Sarah was prescribed specific herbs to take at different times of day. We headed over to the pharmacy down the hall, and trodded off to go home and rest. I got Sarah all settled in the room with lunch and her herbs, and left her to nap. I went and found Tashi who asked me to take a walk to the temple with him. I gladly agreed, and we walked side by side, our arms gently grazing one anothers every so often. In truth we wanted to hold on arm in arm and skip down the street, but something held us back and we were shy.

Once we reached the temple we became silent together. It seemed as if I had floated out of my body and was looking through a camera lense, or a birdseye view, or something. My eyes and my hand followed Tashi's hand as he twirled the prayer wheels leading me around the great spiritual square. I twirled wheels, and my heart became soft and blurry and prayers and joy flowed through me. I found a place to sit and meditate, and Tashi wandered off to have his own experience. And I shot down a shoot into the warm place inside me I was learning so well to go to at these temples. It was silent, and clear, and I was gone, but fully there. No one else was around, and  yet I felt connected to everyone. It was so easy to just be present right there in that moment, in myself, on the ground at that temple. My emotions and my mind and the waves of the two were calm and peaceful. It was so good.

I came into myself and realized I was sitting on the floor at the temple. I decided to go into the inner realm of the temple to sit before the great, huge, golden buddha. I sat in the back at the far right corner. It was harder to drift in here. The brightness and intensity of the place was powerful, and could be felt even when sitting there with the eyes closed. Something was keeping me grounded in my body in that moment. I opened my eyes to see Tashi in the doorway warmly smiling at me.

I understood that it was time to go. Walking next to Tashi felt like being with an old friend, someone I had known for ages. It was good.

That evening, Sarah was feeling a tiny bit better, and we went out for dinner. We ended up eating out on a patio overlooking the hill and the humble city buildings below.  Prayer flags blew in the wind all around us. I felt surrounded by kindness and love. I was glad to see Sarah emerging from her death bed. We enjoyed the healthy, gentle Tibetan food, and hospitality. We walked the streets after dinner. We shopped at tiny little bit. I arranged for a local man to make me earring plugs out of coconut. I told him exactly how I wanted them to be, like little spirals. He promised to have them ready by the next day. I bought a handmade book from the lovely woman who had helped us earlier. Sarah's spirits began to rise! Woo Hoo, YEAH!

That night Tashi stopped by as we were watching a movie. He plopped down to chill with us, and we shared a big bottle of beer. We giggled and told stories, we drifted and lounged comfortably. Sarah fell asleep, of course.

Tashi and I stayed in this gentle, sweet moment as long as we could, and then he left. We made plans to meet up and say goodbye tomorrow.

Sarah woke up a little better, and we went out for a grand breakfast to revive our bodies. Afterwards, the realization that we had to leave Dharmshala today, and Sarah would be leaving India late tomorrow night, all began to set in. This gave us a burst of inspirational shopping vibes, and we set off to go out with a bang!!!!

We bought anything and everything in sight, from prayer beads, to traditional Tibetan clothing, to singing bowls, to tapestries, to blankets. We were out of control. It was so fun and fabulous. I have never, ever been rich, at all. I am not much of a shopper, mostly cuz I don't usually like to torture myself looking at things I can't afford to buy, or buying things I can't afford. But in India, a little goes a long way, and by their standards.....we were rich! We could afford to buy anything we wanted, at any moment. And we did! To be honest it's great to look around my life now and see these remnants that I got during my journey...but the remnants do not fill my ache for the place, and the eperiences! They look pretty, the swirl me with memories...but I would be fine if I hadn't been so over the top whimsical and fed my every wish and want materially. At the same time, it was kinda cool to be able to do that and not worry or even think about it...for the first time in my life!

And we went out with a bang.  Just before it was time to leave it began to rain. We were all packed up, and just waitin for our meeting time with Sonu to snatch us away from this spiritual, intense, humble, place. Tashi and I went up to the roof to say our goodbye's. It was hard, I really wished we could live near each other and be best friends and have many great, sweet adventures. It was an unrealistic, futile wish, and yet my mind couldn't excuse it. We shared a clove cigarette, and spoke with our eyes staring deep into one another. We talked about maybe meeting up somehow, sometime, somewhere....but the goodbye was heavy, and we really knew that if we would somehow see one another again, it wouldn't be for a long time!!! UGH! It is so hard to let go of the good one's that brighten our paths. The human spirit clings to goodness, sometimes to a smothering extent. There's like this magnetism, the need to not let the goodness go, the fear of never having more goodness, or the remembrance of the sting of the moments when its lacking. We huddled in the stairwell at the entrance to the roof and had a huge hug. We missed our friendship already.

The rain was making the streets muddy, and Sonu was grouchy. He gave Tashi wierd looks and stares as he helped us with our bags.  The good bye at that point became the ripping of a bandaid, quick with a sharp sting. We were shuffled in the car and swooped away. We headed down the himalayan mountains towards Delhi to prepare for Sarah's final departare from India.

Soon I was to be on my own once again. I looked forward the the yoga with my guru, and I was a little achey to be losing my close friends...for now...one by one.