Wow, I feel much better. Who would have thought that closure could feel so good. I had been avoiding it, like one avoids getting shots. I was afraid of the prickle, and the ache afterwards. But, it wasn't so bad. I admit that I got a little vulnerable for a matter of hours. I admit that I had a good cry, my first in a while. I admit that my head was a little swirly, and my heart a little achey for the evening. But, I awoke with new found inspirations!
Ok, so he is dating again. Ok, so it is actually over. Ok, so I am actually single? I am single, aren't I. I guess I have kinda, sorta been single for the past few months now. But, I didn't really feel single. Even other boys getting crushes on me made me feel guilty cuz I knew my heart belonged to someone else.
I am really single. I haven't been that in almost 3 years. Wow. Yeah.
Even though I am single, I don't really plan on running out and dating a whole bunch. I dont really have the time or energy to devote to a relationship right now. I am completely self focused with my tunnel vision pointed towards yoga, and getting my new life set up. I have been focusing on a really intense and devoted practice of yoga, and am working on advanced poses. I am laying the ground work for my intensive year of studies. I have been interviewing for jobs, looking for cars, and am getting a cel phone soon.
I would much rather ride the wave of self discovery, allowing my heart ample time to work through and evolve from the recent past relationship. I dont want any type of rebound situation, meaningless sex, superficial interactions, or dates for the sake of putting myself out there looking for someone!
I am confident that eventually, at the perfect moment, someone amazing, and deep, who intrigues me in many ways will come along and spark up my intrigue. Until then...I am single, I am happy, I am growing, I am evolving, I am healing, I am smiling!
And so, with my newfound realizations and inspirations this morning I started off to a great day. I was exceptionally productive. I did two and a half hours of really amazing yoga. I cleaned my room and made it all neat, organized, and pretty. I took a walk in the sunshine. I worked on my inspiration book. (For those of you who dont know what that is...it's a compilation of pictures, art, poetry, and glitter to pick up the spirits and track my life and it's growth over time.) I make them for myself and others. I am usually working on one all the time. The current one has been a 2 year project for myself.
Here are some inspiring poetic words directly from my inspiration book to you:
1. Life is too important to be taken seriously. - Oscar Wilde
2. Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - Emerson
3. Happiness is a concious choice not an automatic response. - Mildred Barthel
4. Demand nothing less than EVERYTHING! Life has big plans for you! Now start your journey into your future and know that you have my blessings! - Mom
5. When you blame others you give up your power to change. - Robert Frost
6. Become: Too many people are only fragments of themselves for others to see. Become a whole human being. - A Stranger
7. No distance of place, or lapse of time can lessenn the friendship of those who are TRULY and THOROUGHLY persuaded of each others worth. - Robert Southey
8. The world will come to know good. - James Joyce
9. Following your heart will cost you dearly, but not following your heart will be much more expensive. - Special card from my Papa and Sally
10. Don't frown because it's over, smile because it happened. - Confucious
So, there you have it folks. Ten quote's that I am using to help me have a positive, aware view of the real world, and feed fuel to my vast, evolving inner world. Often imitated, never duplicated, consiting of more love than sense....~me!