Sonu gave me detailed instructions on how to be safe as though I were a child, as he sent off on my journey alone. As the wild world of india flew past me I felt a sense of freedom and joy at being alone in the world once again. I felt empowered, like I was strong enough to face anything. I arrived in Rishikesh, and headed straight for the Darm Yatri Niwas, my trusty old guest house from our previous trip here. I was given the same room as before and I settled in to read my book and enjoy my own company.
The first couple of days were nice, I found myself silent, happy, and shanti, peaceful. I read, I thought, I did lots of yoga with my guru, and existed in the moment purely. My guru and I settled into a flow of information share between disciple and teacher. He taught me twice a day and had me teach classes once a day. He promised to bring me with him twice a week to teach to the local school children.
One day I crossed path's with a beautiful Israeli man whom I recognized from my previous visit to Rishikesh. We smiled at one another, and our eyes recognized each others souls. Strange as that may sound it was true. I knew in that instantaneous moment that we had shared time in another life time, or at least we would share some in this life time!
That afternoon after wandering the town, and eating a simple lunch of rice and sag paneer, spinach with cheese, I ran into this man and his friend. He smiled and asked me where I was coming from. I told him that I had been eating lunch. He told me that I should invite him next time, and I promised I would. I told him that we should hang out some time, and he promised we would. I skipped back to my room barely touching the ground with my feet, andticipating the idea of knowing the beautiful person.
The next morning on my way down the stairs from yoga I heard the sound of the didgerie doo, and was enchanted. I have always felt intrigued with the unique and trance like sounds of this strange aboriginal instrument. It has always drawn me in. I followed the sound until I found my israeli friend playing it and drawing me in. When he looked up and saw me there, his eyes lit up with his huge smile. We shuffled from foot to foot, nervous, excited, and for a moment unable to speak as we stood eye to eye. I told him the sound had drawn me in, and I had always loved this
instrument. He told me he was just learning and invited me to try it. I sat down and played a beautiful sound on my first try. He was amazed that I was able to play the didge, as he had allowed at least 50 people to try and I was the first who was able to make a sound at all. He invited me to join his friends. I sat for a couple of hours hanging out and playing the didgerie doo. Idan, my new friend invited me to join him for dinner later that night and I gladly agreed!
In my room that afternoon I did some yoga. I was working on some difficult poses that my guru did not include in our lessons. One of those poses was the scorpion pose, a very vigorous but beautiful shape for the body to achieve. I worked hard at perfecting this pose as I was fascinated with it.
That evening we had dinner with his friends and then we skipped off to drink king fisher beers and be alone. We sat in my room and talked for hours. We told our life stories, we shared our secrets, we confessed our dreams. We layed on our backs and stretched our toes towards the sky. We layed on or sides and inspected each others eyes. We kissed softly, moving so slow, afraid that speed would spoil the authenticity of our connection. Eventually we looked over and noticed a scorpion right in the spot that I had been attempting to perfect scorpion pose that afternoon. Idan was fascinated with animals, so he helped me rid my room of my dangerous friend, with out harming the creature. I decided that after sharing my room with a mouse for days, and now the appearance of a scorpion, I needed to shift rooms as soon as possible, and set my mind to doing so the next day after yoga class. We said our goodnight with promises of many more things to share in the days to come.
After yoga the next morning my guru asked me if I had been using the ayurvedic face mask to heal my sensitive skin. I admitted that I had not yet done so. He demanded that I let him do this for me right that moment. One does not go against their guru's will, unless of course their will is innappropriate, which this was certainly not. He only wanted to help me, so I agreed. I sat on the floor with my head in my guru's lap as he used the herbs to exfoliate my skin, and then the mixture of curd, yogurt, and herbs as a mask for my skin. He insisted that I wear this mask for the next two hours, and I promised I would.
Not five minutes passed before the front desk called to inform me that my new room was ready, and I needed to vacate my current room asap so that some one else could move in. With a green, chunky covered face, I grabbed all of my things and headed upstairs to my new room. On my way there, of course I ran into Idan. I was so nervous to see him again. I wasn't sure how he was going to be today, after such an intimate evening. You see, he is so beautiful inside out. He is the guy every girl wants. Now, I don't have much problems connecting to the men that I am intrigued with either. I work hard at having a joyfull, kind, open, and beautiful heart which shines out of me, I am quite comfortable in my soul and my skin and I guess this energy draws the men I want to me. But still, I was nervous about Idan, I felt I had met my match in beauty and knew that he could have any girl he wanted. Why should I be the one he chooses. But all covered in a chunky green face he recognized me, and ran up, picked me up, spun me around, and told me I was so beautiful! This soothed my nerves and assured me that our connection was real for both of us, and we were meant to share our hearts.
Thus begun a beautiful 3 week journey into love and friendship and soul sharing. Should I tell you all the details? I wonder? What happens between lovers is private, and powerful. It is a mystery of life the magic of love. It heals, it teaches, it soothes, in energizes, it transforms and unites. He was a can opener for my heart that had been battered and bruised and sealed shut by unrequitted love.
Previously, I had chosen the man I wanted to marry and had opened myself completely to him. I gave him my heart and my soul, and I loved him as deeply as I loved myself. And he had kept me by his side for nearly four years without ever inviting me into the secret places of his soul. I had given up the last of my childhood for this man because he asked me to and told me that he would truly be mine if I would do that. But that didn't work, I tried all that I could to show him that I was special, and wonderful, and the one for him. He looked at me and saw that I was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to him, and so he kept me by his side. But he never let me in. He wouldn't let me teach him, he wouldn't relinquish any control, he wouldn't take a leap of faith and chance for us. And he wouldn't let me go. Near the end, I prayed for him to just set me free, for I loved him so much that I didn't think I had the strength to let him go. But he just wouldn't. He wouldn't love me with all his soul, and he wouldn't let me go. Oh, what a pain that was. I lost myself in the depression I went through after finding some small bit of strength to propel me away from him. My soul ripped when I walked away, but I walked away. I walked and walked and walked all the way to the middle east. The middle east healed me a bit. My family healed me a bit. Little moments of me coming back into me healed me a bit. But my heart was still sealed closed with super glue!!!!
Idan Cohen was the tincture to peel apart a bit of that super glue and get in. Oh what a joy to have some one in my heart again! We ordered dessert after every meal. Our dessert was named, "Hello to the Queen!" and we ate it each time like it was our last moments on earth, smiling, giggling with our sugar and soul high. We were so in love with one another and the moment that we lived life like it is supposed to be lived! He gave me his heart, his body, his soul, his everything. He made no promises and he held nothing back! For that time it was all perfect between us. I gave it all to him as well and he took it and appreciated it, and honored it! He would look over at a stranger sitting next to us at a restaurant and say, "Look at this woman, isn't she just the most beautiful woman you have ever seen? Don't we look great together! I wish you could know her heart because it blows away her physical beauty which is really hard to believe is
possible, BUT IT IS, I know!" Oh what pink cheeks I had for three weeks straight!
We would run in the himalayas together. We bathed at the ganges river together. We sat on my balcony at night and howled at the moon with our didgerie doo's. (He took right away on our 3rd day together to buy me a didgerie doo, at a shop called Mukesh's Shop. I made my didge myself, and he inscribed on the bottom, "love from Idan") We rode bike's together. We mad lots of love with our bodies and our minds and our hearts. Love in every form of the word! And, it was all perfect!
In the meantime I also shared a very different kind of love with my guru. Every day our intensive learning sessions went on and on. Twice a week we went to teach yoga to the local school children. Mostly I taught and my guru gleamed with pride at my skill under his direction. I helped him by creating bright flyers and posting them all around town. He had at his home for dinner with his lovely family many times. We would whirl around town on his motorbike, ordering the best mango lassi's in town, and going to visit his scholar friends. Here we would discuss deep philosophical mysteries and ideas. My guru appreciated my wit and intellect and loved to show me off to his well to do intellectual friends, watching as I matched them and debated with my education and ideas about spirituality, political ideas, and general philosophy.
These 3 weeks were full of love, spirituality, education, philosophy, and hard personal transformational work!
And finally, as I hopped into a rickshaw to ride to the bus which would take me back to Delhi where I would catch my flight home, I cried because it was all so perfect and wonderful, and now it was over. I never wanted it to end, and yet I realized my soul was full, and could take not a bit more. It was time to return home and utilize this knowledge and share it all until I was empty and eager for more learning. And then I would return to fill again!
Back in Delhi, Sonu picked me up from the bus station. I had hours to burn before my flight and so, I took out every last penny I owned from my bank account and went shopping. Sonu and I wandered the market in Delhi until I was broke, and then we headed for the airport.
India had changed me forever! Words would do injustice to the beautiful transformation it gave me. In my heart I wish every person has the chance to journey into the world and into themselves as deeply as I was able to in India.
And so I end this story of my first travels in India with a simple statement that means so much:
The light in me bows to the light in you!